once upon a time there was a bird, my God. 

-Clarice Lispector

I am the yellow finch that came to her feeder an hour before she died. I was the last living thing she saw so my responsibility was great. Yet all I did was eat. Through eight long months of winter the black oiled sunflower seeds had gone untouched – not a single one of my kind or any other kind had approached them. It was too much work. Even if we had the strength – which we did not, half starved as we were – we were not in the mood to crack anything. On the morning of the twenty second of April she took them away and refilled the feeding tube with sunflower hearts- sheeny niblets whose hard outer husk had been stripped away by some faraway, intricate machine. She went back inside and waited. From my branch I could see her do the things she liked to do- she picked up a towel from off the floor, she filled out a card stopping the mail, she boiled water, she stared into space. She saw me coming. Her face flickered with, if not exactly joy, the ordinary wellspring of life. It’s true there was a sheet of glass between us. But I could see the seeds of her eyes and the upturned corners of her mouth. I ate a heart.  I turned my head. She looked at me as if I were the last living thing on earth. And as I was, I kept on eating.

Mary Ruefle

 

 

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